30 July 2006

ix-nay on the ullet-may

Ryan Smyth, "heart and soul" of the Oilers, has bad hair. Call it what you like: hockey hair, a short-long, business in the front/party in the back, or roadkill with vaseline on it - in the end it's just a big ol' mullet. While certain 101-year-old ladies may find Smytty's coif attractive, I think it falls squarely in the "not hot" category and begs a makeover.

Ryan Smyth before:


Ryan Smyth de-mulleted:


Now, isn't that better? Sans unkempt ape drape, Smytty definitely qualifies as "hot oil."

Now, why don't we harness the magic of the Internet and take this makeover a few steps further? Next time Ryan Smyth gets sad that the local Safeway is out of his favourite flavour of Pop-Tarts, he should embrace that misery through a ridiculous new persona:


Enter Ryan Gaines. So sensitive, so intense, so...unmarketable.

If Raffi ever gets traded, someone will have to step up as the "bad boy" on the team. I nominate Ryan Smyth and his new spikey hairstyle:


Hardcore, no? No, I guess not. At least he'll have no problem picking up ladies at the Standard.

Finally, I think it's important to have a look at what would happen if Smytty continued to allow that mullet to grow, and then permed it for some reason:


Not so hot. That's okay - everything can be fixed with an up-do!

11 comments:

the Prez said...

The updo makes him look very classy...and ladylike. I feel conflicted.

mike said...

Wierd. 2nd last permed-to-the-point-of-yuk... Needs some eyeshadow and lipstick... sexy gothman! christ - I'm a guy and just thinking this is giving me the creeps.

(I think I'm even more conflicted than prez.)

James Vander Woude said...

I like Ryan with the mullet just fine. Almost... Swayze-like. Makes me nostalgic for me own mullet, dead these 15 years.

jon said...

Awesome second post guys (gals?), bonus points for the extra shot at emo kids!

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Cruel!

Julian said...

this blog is awesome.

LT called the 06-07 Oilers the equivalent of a mullet, business in the front, party in the back.

James Mirtle said...

My blueberry pop tarts....

Foxy said...

I really like Ryan's natural hair style. It's not that mullet-ish.

Scarlett said...

I agree with Foxy. I like au naturel Smitty! Is that wrong?

Anonymous said...

You're crazy if you want to touch Smyty's hair. Everyone knows that the source of all his hockey power flows from the mullet. Look at Jagr, his best years when he dominated the league was energized by the mullet. He cuts it and Washington happens.

Smyth will never destroy the source of all his powers! NEVER!

Sydney said...

I cut out a picture of Smytty's haed today from the Winnipeg free press. Taped it to the inside of my locker and wrote I *Heart* Mullets.
But really...
He should SOOOO perm it!!!