ix-nay on the ullet-may

Ryan Smyth, "heart and soul" of the Oilers, has bad hair. Call it what you like: hockey hair, a short-long, business in the front/party in the back, or roadkill with vaseline on it - in the end it's just a big ol' mullet. While certain 101-year-old ladies may find Smytty's coif attractive, I think it falls squarely in the "not hot" category and begs a makeover.

Ryan Smyth before:


Ryan Smyth de-mulleted:


Now, isn't that better? Sans unkempt ape drape, Smytty definitely qualifies as "hot oil."

Now, why don't we harness the magic of the Internet and take this makeover a few steps further? Next time Ryan Smyth gets sad that the local Safeway is out of his favourite flavour of Pop-Tarts, he should embrace that misery through a ridiculous new persona:


Enter Ryan Gaines. So sensitive, so intense, so...unmarketable.

If Raffi ever gets traded, someone will have to step up as the "bad boy" on the team. I nominate Ryan Smyth and his new spikey hairstyle:


Hardcore, no? No, I guess not. At least he'll have no problem picking up ladies at the Standard.

Finally, I think it's important to have a look at what would happen if Smytty continued to allow that mullet to grow, and then permed it for some reason:


Not so hot. That's okay - everything can be fixed with an up-do!