04 June 2007

Unrestricted Free Hotness: Florida Panthers

So far, the UFA market has been pretty lean on hotness. But Florida's hot, right? And Panthers! Rawr!

In the Crease:

Eddie Belfour

He may be a billionaire, but he's also a dead-eyed mummy husk fueled by rage. Depicted here clinging desperately to a goalie stick lest he collapse into a pile of ash, Eddie looks like exactly the kind of intellectually-challenged creep whose pick-up artillery would include the imaginary ass-spank dance, dry humping, and possibly vomiting on himself. Time to retire, big guy.

Trying to Score:

Martin Gelinas

One of the "bags of pucks" that the Oil got in return for Gretzky, Gelinas was also key in taking the Flames to the 2004 Stanley Cup Finals. Clearly, the man is evil and no good would come of bringing his five-head and Letterman-esque grin to Edmonton.

Jozef Stumpel

Slovak Stumpel's too-far-apart eyes and wierd hair do nothing for me, but I'll let the ladies who dig Eastern European men decide whether he's hot. Prez? Is Slovakia close enough to Russia?

Ville Peltonen

Though his shirt appears to be a packing list, which is ridiculous, Ville here is definitely a hot Fin. As our blogger hot-off showed, ladies love men with wind-blown hair, and his expression in this photo says "I am a sensitive dreamer who loves to walk along the boardwalk holding hands." Either that, or he's contemplating whether to buy a foot-long or a cheeseburger. Dreamy!


Kirsten said...

Oh, Eddie, you should have hung 'em up a while ago. Why do you continue to do this to yourself (and to us)? I have to admit, though, his name is REALLY fun to yell. EED-DIE

Lady_Byng said...

Pass on all these hosers from Florida.

Anonymous said...

Belfour - I'd rather carve out my own eyes with a spoon.
Gelinas - nope
Stumpel - again, nope
Peltonen - 2 WABWMINKIs. Hope Belfour's influence hasn't done any permanent damage to him.


Anonymous said...

Belfour, oh Belfour. Just no. Don't embarrass yourself anymore.

Ville? Has the most hotness promise out of all of the UFA candidates.

Anonymous said...

just in case if you want to know, Raffi Torres is getting married on July 1st!

arrugaoil said...

Ville? Yea, thats okay.

Eddie? Yea, HELL NO!