16 June 2007

Unrestricted Free Hotness: Philadelphia Flyers

Philadelphia! Home to gay Tom Hanks and one of my favourite players of all time. Oh, Hexie! If only you were a UFA this year instead of this pack of clowns.

In the Crease:

Robert Esche
Robert Esche is cute in a sort of bland way, especially if you're a fan of facial hair (and I am). He also has his own charity, the Save of the Day Foundation, for sick kids in his home town. Sweet, right? On the other, less attractive hand, he sports Kid Rock on his helmet and a neck-beard. Let's call it a wash. Verdict: meh.

Trying to Score:

Todd Fedoruk

If you do a Google Image search on Fedoruk, about 90% of the results involve him getting punched in the face. As such, it's not a surprise that last year he had to have titanium plates installed after Professor Boogaard demolished his cheekbones. Despite his, er, "upgrades," Fedoruk still more closely resembles a 12-year-old boy than the dreamy Steve Austin. I don't know about you, but prepubescent meatheads are just not my cup of semi-bionic tea.

Denis Hamel
Monsieur Hamel has an earnest cuteness about him. He looks like the type who would bring you flowers on a regular basis and get along with small children. Nice, but not exactly the type to make you wanna...you know. His hotness is a lot like his hockey ability: not quite good enough for the Oil.

Mike York
Mike York is a respected former Oiler, but I can't get over the guy's hair. It's in a perpetual state of greasy combed-backedness and falls into that no-man's-land between a decent haircut and a full-blown mullet. Plus, he looks a little smarmy. Nevertheless, I'd still take him over that ungrateful douchewad Peca anyday.


Lady_Byng said...

Why does Pronger have to keep on popping up?! He's on at the end of the Boogaard-Fedoruk fight video. CURSES.
None of these guys really do anything for me; Ecshe could be cute, but not after seeing the pic of Kid Rock on his mask and the neck beard. EWW.

Anonymous said...

Who cares about Kid Rock and that neck beard! thats only one picture! Does that really matter that Ecshe has KId ROck on his mask, NO! Esche is cute for his looks!


Anonymous said...

Esche is a nice enough looking fellow. With most guys I like to see the facial hair sprout out once in awhile and then especially at playoff time, because this visible and touchable sign of testosterone can be quite sexy. As a year round look, it doesn't work for me with Esche though.
I feel bad for Fedoruk for suffering two big blows to his face this year. I don't know more about him, but if he isn't able to play anymore, that's always too bad.
Hamel is one case where I like the facial hair for his year round look. It's his choice of hair styles where he loses me.
York gets a WABAMINKI from me. (Ah yes, Peca, where will you play this year?)


court said...

If Juicy stays, the Oil have all the hotness they can handle in net. If not....

Actually, no. I think he's cute, but man did he suck last year.

Bethany said...

Esche is a hottie that's for sure...he's probably my favorite out of all of the Flyers.

Kirsten said...

Blech, all of those guys are automatically gross in my eyes because they have Flyers germs all over them.

KMS2 said...

Fedoruk still more closely resembles a 12-year-old boy

and he sounds like one.