Tomorrow's the big day! UFA Day! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get through many teams' UFA hotness by the deadline, but what're ya gonna do? From what I did see, I'm pulling hard for Jed Ortmeyer to don the copper and blue. Make it happen, Lowe.
After that exhilerating trip around the league, it's time for us to get back to our usual navel-gazing. The Oilers have six UFAs on the auction block tomorrow, but who's dreamy enough to be bought back?
In the crease:
The Juice is just too clean-cut to me, what with his conventional good looks, perfect blonde hair, and toothpaste-commercial smile. If he were in an 80's teen comedy, he would play Chas, the rich jock with a heart of gold. That said, Jussi and I do have something in common -- we both love his starting goalie. Roli needs a supportive backup, and Jussi's considered hot by a lot of lady fans. He's probably a keeper.
On the blueline:
I know the Prez loves him, but I can't get over Shaggy's wonky eyes. Or terrible hair. Or "sports hernia." There have to be better, hotter, less injury-prone defencemen out there. Come on, K.Lo -- let's get hussied up in our tightest, shortest tube-dress and our tallest fuck-me pumps and WORK IT to pick up a defenseman tomorrow. It's time to put your self-respect on hold for the sake of our blueline.
Hejda is definitely more attractive than Tjarnqvist, what with the square jaw and sexy intense eyes. Arguably, he's also a better defenseman. I think he's probably worth another shot, if only because I don't think K.Lo's best pick-up lines will be able to entice more than one good blueliner from the market. I mean, "I'll let you ride my Zamboni" only works so often.
Trying to Score:
Hands down, Sykora is the Oilers' hottest UFA this season, with his great smile, ubiquitous 3-day facial hair growth, and adorable accent. The bar may have been low, but he also led the (post-Smytty) team in points this season. I hope Sykora will stay in Edmonton next year, if only for his post-game dressing room interviews. Rawr!
Oh, for fuck sakes. NOOOOOO!
Kris Russell, A Molehill.
2 weeks ago