30 September 2006

Day 28: Or how I learned to stop worrying about Marty Reasoner being out of the competition and love the war

Jan Hejda.



Dwayne Roloson.



Will this competition be as one-sided as I fear?


Vote wisely.

Vote once.

Vote now.

VOTING OVER! ROLI KICKS HEJDA TO THE CURB AND MOVES ON TO THE SEMIS!

29 September 2006

Day 27: Staios attempts a coup d'état




















Ladies and gentlemen, here are your two competitors on this fine day 27. Jason Smith is the kind of man you want by your side if you're walking down a dark alley. Candidate number two, Steve Staios, is here to take out the captain. Sexy? Definitely.


Voting Over. Oh Captain, my Captain, wins.

Roli and Pisani are raising readers!



so says The Edmonton Journal

28 September 2006

Baby Oilers!

so cute!

steve staios

monsieur torres
(remember: ginger kids are people too)

babyrolisquee!

Day 26: Torres versus Moreau



vs.



Which one gets your heart racing? Vote now!

VOTING OVER! MOREAU TAKES IT IN A LANDSLIDE.

27 September 2006

Day 25: Only the strongest remain?

(sorry about the delay in posting this - it was a late night)


This is how things look as we enter round 3.

Today, it's youth vs. the machine.

Does anyone think that Smid can out-hot MacT? Anyone?














LADISLAV SMID vs. MACT

FOR A TICKET TO THE SEMI-FINALS.
VOTE NOW.

VOTING OVER! SEXY PLAYER-COACH CRAIG MACTAVISH MOVES ON TO THE FINAL FOUR!
(SUCK IT, SMID)

26 September 2006

Day 24: The Last One Standing vs. Edmonton's Favourite Pants




First up is Roli, the last of the Hot Oil boyfriends still in the running. Dwayne's hobbies include sporting boyish haircuts, suffering injuries in the hands of Marc-André Bergeron and making funny faces (as seen here in this very un-serial killeresque photo). If you don't vote for him, Alana will T.P. your house.









vs.

















This is my bad drawing of Roli's fake competitor. His real competitor is Fernando Pisani. Pisani's hobbies include looking Amish during the playoffs, wearing magical pants (see above) and scoring on Cam Ward, among other goaltenders. If you don't vote for him, my fantasy hockey team, Krasnokamsk Muscle, will drive you out of town.




Vote now, unless you're willing to simultaneously suffer both consequences mentioned above.






VOTING OVER. ROLI BLOWS THE PANTS OFF FERNANDO. ROUND 2 DONE.

25 September 2006

Day 23: Vote for Roli Tomorrow!

Here we have Brad Winchester, lady-man extraordinaire.
Known to wear socks with sandals, B-Rad likes rootbeer floats and dislikes being compared to Brad Isbister. If you don't vote for him, you will give yourself that same guilt you feel when you forget to send your mom a card on Mother's Day.


To your left is new kid, Jan Hejda. The most comparable New Kid to Jan would be Jordan Knight (note: Winchester is totally Joey). If you don't vote for Hejda, he will sit down on the ice and refuse to play.


Who is hotter? Vote now in the comments!

STOP VOTING! HEJDA STICKS IT TO JOEY MCINTYRE.

24 September 2006

Day 22b: Thoresen Tags In!

With the unfortunate loss of smokin' hot prospect Kyle Brodziak yesterday, a free spot opened
up in our bracket. By popular demand, brand new Oiler Patrick Thoresen has taken his place in the ring with Steve Staios.

I will allow Pat from Black Dog Hates Skunks to make the case for Thoresen:

"Come on...The blue eyes, the skating through fire, the ass-chin.

And he's Norwegian!

Norwegian Dammit!"

As for Staios, you either think he's hot or you really, really don't. There doesn't really seem to be any in-between with this guy.

Let your voice be heard! Vote!












STAIOS? SERIOUSLY? HE WON AGAIN?
YES HE DID.

Day 22: CANCELLED

Unfortunately, Kyle Hot-Rodziak, has been eliminated from the competition. He was sent to the minors this past week and is therefore, not listed on the roster anymore. Steve Staios will continue onto the next round in his place.

Let's take a moment to reflect and remember Kyle.

Kyle emerged as a favorite in the competition after defeating "the hammock" in round one. Not only did Hot-Rodziak annihilate Mr. No-style-no-substance, but he gained a huge following when his "Hot Edward Norton-esque" Edmonton Oilers roster picture was released:


Hot-damn!! We need some this guy to move up the depth chart, pronto. He's what puts the hot in hot-oil.

Just for shits and giggles, who would you have voted for? Hot-Rodziak or Steve "the Macedonian" Staios?

23 September 2006

Day 21: Whose Work Ethic is Stronger?

Jason Smith, pictured here with Play SMART Pete, clearly cares about your safety. Vote for him!








Marty Reasoner would like to help your grandma cross the street. Vote for him!










VOTING OVER. SMITH WINS. POO.


Loxy's final words: Well, now you've gone and done it folks. Marty "my man" Reasoner has been eliminated. Granted, I never thought he'd win this thing, but to be taken out in the 2nd round? I'm dissapointed. Obviously this confirms my original beliefs that the world hates Marty Reasoner. Anyways, there's Marty and his mom. I would've unveiled the picture for next round if I'd been given the chance.

22 September 2006

Day 20: Blinded by Hotness

Today's battle is the toughest one yet, in my opinion. In one corner we have new Oiler and Stanley-Cup-ring-wearing Petr Sykora, who has been tearing up the ice with Messrs. Hemsky and Torres this preseason and will drop trou at a moment's notice. In the other corner, we have fan favourite Ethan "Chopper" Moreau, who is celebrating his birthday today. Both of these men look damn hot with half-grown beards, but which one is hotter? You decide! Vote now in the comments!












EDIT: A quick thanks to Vue Weekly's In the Box column for giving us some media attention. Now that we're famous, what will the future hold? Maybe this time next year we'll be drunk off our asses on the red carpet for the "Hot Off: The Movie" premiere, with boyfriends Igor, Marty, and Dwayne in tow.

VOTING OVER! CHOPPER TAKES A BITE OUT OF SYKORA AND MOVES ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!

21 September 2006

Day 19: I figure it'll come down to the eyes.

Competitor #1: Raffi Torres
Made the second round by taking the innocence from Ales Hemsky. His strengths include his ability to pound you repetitively up against the boards. His weakness? He might not know when to stop. His parents might be cheering you on.


Competitor #2: Joffrey Lupul
While fellow Pronger-gate compensation, Smid, is onto the next round, Lupul doesn't have that much of an innocence factor over Raffi. His strengths include his ability to woo most women (and possibly men) into his lair with his deep dark eyes. His weakness? His lair might be in Fort Saskatchewan.

Vote now or forever hold your peace.

(P.S. I'm not going to say anything more about the voting. You vote for whatever reason you want! But if, God Forbid, Steve Staios wins this thing, you weren't voting with your eyes.)

VOTING OVER! TORRES STARES DOWN LUPUL AND WINS!

Current Standings



20 September 2006

Day 18: A difficult choice


Welcome to day 2 of round 2. This one will prove to be a difficult choice for fans! There's MacT, who is a constant source of humourous remarks. then there's the soul of the Oilers, none other than assistant captain Ryan Smyth, who still scores goals for the team. This decision will tear families apart.

Note: I'm not trying to influence you with the massive size difference between pictures. I'm just terrible at all things computer.

Voting over. The Silver fox out foxes nitty gritty Smytty.

19 September 2006

Makeover, Makeover, Makeover!

There's been a lot of discussion around here the past couple of days about the new Oiler roster photos. Of all the boys, the most dramatic transformation has to be Petr Sykora, who went from this:

to this:

I'm not sure what to think of Sykora's new emo styles, since I was a big fan of his previous ridiculousness. I hope this doesn't mean he'll make the rest of the team listen to Joy Division before games. That's just not good for morale.

Since Sykora seems to have no problem with makeovers, I thought it would be appropriate to give him the Hot Oil treatment that Loxy suggested last month. Here's what our man Petr would look like if he accidentally got himself a normal jock haircut:


Pretty underwhelming. Maybe he should go red, and add some volume. We all know he's no stranger to mousse.

It's a little Lucille Ball, but it's not like the Oilers don't already have a lady in their employ.*

I've always admired Jaromir Jagr's super-fem curly mullet. It's pretty much the most awesome hair that the NHL has ever seen. I think Sykora should co-opt Jagr's style so he can dazzle his opponents with more than his great smile.


If I were 101-years-old, I'd rather run my fingers through that beautiful mess than Smytty's greasy mop.

Finally, no makeover is complete without a glamorous up-do. Huzzah!

*Thanks to bank shot for the Winnie photo!

Day 17: Welcome to Round 2, Baby!

After 16 eliminations to narrow the field to the "Hot Elite," we're moving on to the second round of the Hot Oil Hot Off competition! Today's condenders are defensemen Charlie Huddy and Ladislav Smid. Are you, like many Oilers fans, stuck in the 80's? Or, do you think the Oilers' future is so bright that you've gotta wear shades? If it's the latter, then you clearly fall into the former category.

Moving along: Old school versus new school. Which do you prefer when you're not reading about Chris Pronger's homoerotic escapades?













Porn 'stache wasn't enough. Smid wins.

The man. The myth. Tonight's first star.


Ladies and gentlemen, here's tonight's first star, Tom Gilbert. I went to see the Oilers' first pre-season home game tonight, and I liked what I saw.

The Oil took out Florida with a score of 2-1. Gilbert got the first goal of the game, with assists by Schremp and Pettersson. Florida followed some minutes later with a first-period goal on Roli.

Nothing happened in the second period, except for the major booing of Todd Bertuzzi. The third period brought about a very nice goal by Smyth (assists went to Horcoff and "Pants" Pisani). Roloson earned himself the third star. The second went to Smyth, and the first star went to that hottie pictured above, Tom Gilbert.

On the jersey front: I only saw one Pronger jersey, one less than the number of Comrie jerseys I saw. And Pisani jerseys are definitely on the rise.

18 September 2006

Cuts like a Knife

(Scroll down to vote in Day 16 of the Hot Off)

Looks like MacT et al. have made the first cuts of the season, sending Merkley, Morrison, Peckham, Pitton, Schulz, and Solomon back to their junior teams. No surprising losses yet, but it's a shame about Pitton. He's cute.

Our remaining rookie Hot Off contenders -- Smid, Brodziak, and Winchester (mommy?) -- are still in the running to become Edmonton's next hazing victims. I think this bodes well for the sexiness of this year's team, no?

Day 16: The men who tried to save Christmas, but more importantly, the Stanley Cup Finals

This is a really TOUGH one for me. I can't even write something satirical. Truth is, both of these guys hold a very special place in my heart. I've been a Jussi fan for ages and was sad to see him go to NYR. But like my boy Marty, he came back to where he belonged.

Fernando was the gem in my playoff crown. Not to go back to Marty stories, but when he left, I needed a new favorite skater and always had a soft spot for the RPM line. Pisani, an underdog of epic proportions, filled the void.

These are two of my faves. It's really tough to think that after tomorrow, one will be out of the competition. And in just over a week, the other will be eliminated by the force. That is, Dwayne Roloson.
Vote wisely. I love you all.

WE HAVE ANOTHER TIE! THE HOT OIL TIEBREAKER DENIES US A GOALIE SHOWDOWN AND GIVES FERNANDO THE GO-AHEAD!

17 September 2006

Preseason Game Numero Uno


It was a hot one in Winnipeg tonight as the Edmonton Oilers faced off against the team which was once the Jets. The crowd knew which team was hotter. Internet radio has a fancy way of transmitting "sound" and it sounded like cheers for the oil, jeers for Comrie and co.

With no one able to pop Double D's cherry in net, the hottest team around skated to a 5-0 win.

Yours truly was especially pleased with the return of Marty "Shocked and Appalled" Reasoner to the Oilers lineup (with a fabulous 3 assists). It killed me to know that he watched the Stanley Cup run, knowing that he loved this team. They'll just have to win it this year and have it be that much sweeter.

Sure, Mr. Rachel Hunter scored 2 goals, but it was about friggin time. You kids realize he hadn't scored since the San Jose series? Maybe someone needs to take a look at their "priorities".

And then there was Alexei "I always forget if the h goes before or after the k" Mikhnov. Welcome to the NHL, Mr. Straight Hairline. The Pygohy-born player made a huge case for minutes this season with a hot 3 pt performance (1g, 2a). The chemistry* he found with Reasoner may be indicative of future line combinations this season.

(*until actual highlights of this game are seen, chemistry can only be measured by the intensity of Roddy's voice)

So, the inaugural Buster Poindexter (and his banshees of blue) Hot Hot Hot player of the game goes to:

Alexei "Traktor Boy" Mikhnov

Day 15: The D Cup

Well, it's the day that Alana has been waiting for! Today we see new Oiler Daniel Tjarnqvist take on Dwayne Roloson. Tjarnqvist came highly recommended by Roloson, as both played in Minnesota together. Will you take Roli's advice and throw your votes at the sexy Swede, or is Roloson your cup of tea? Do we really even need to be holding this vote? Have your say in the comments section!






Voting over. Roli rolls over the swede.

16 September 2006

Day 14: Not Roli versus Not Roli

Today we have another rookie battle on our hands, pitting Mathieu "Crooked Landing Strip" Roy against Brad Winchester, who the Prez has accurately described as looking like someone's mother.













I don't have much to say about these guys except that neither of them are Roloson, who will be thrown into the ring with Tjarnqvist tomorrow. To put you in the right frame of mind heading into this battle, here's a ridiculously cute photo of some Roli-on-Moreau action.


Vote for your favorite Not Roli in the comments now!

VOTING OVER! YOUR MOM WINS!

Birthday time!

Happy birthday to Hot Oil member (and the brains behind the "Hot Off"), Loxy! Hope you have a great one!

15 September 2006

Unlucky Day 13: Who's that guy? vs. what's his name?

Danny Syvret.
Many of you have a predisposition towards European and/or Russian men. And that's fine. But Lil' Orphan Danny wants your vote. The good ol' (but young) Canadian defenseman likes macaroni and cheese, online scrabble and the way that fructis makes his hair smell.*

Jan Hejda.
He's been around the European block, and he's coming to a country near you. The Rico Suave of Czech hockey doesn't care if he wins this contest. But that same "je ne sais quoi" is what makes him all the more desireable. Does he have any grasp of the English language? Vášnivý vášnivý vášnivý!


*Unconfirmed

Vote now.

VOTING OVER! HEDJA GIVES DANNY THE BOOT!