KINGER, contributor for Always on the Road:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Q & A:
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.
Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab.
Interests: ninjas, machine guns, getting pumped, vaginas, back flips, oilers, dogs, getting dogs pumped, aliens, u.f.o.s, monsters, catapults, zombies, round houses, jump kicks, scissor kicks, flying, frenching babes and animals, making blanket forts, summersaults, video games, time travel, and spreading the word about the most amazing creatures on earth--ninjas.
(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: I've met him. My survival was his choice, not mine.)
LOWETIDE, made famous by the blog Lowetide:
Individuals claiming to have seen Lowetide often give similar descriptions. They generally describe what is a 7 to 9 foot (2 to 2.5 meters) tall, ape- or human-like bipedal creature, broad-shouldered and of a strong build, covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. The head seems to sit directly on the shoulders, with no visible neck ever reported. The head is pointed, similar to the sagittal crest of the male gorilla. In fact, a good description would be of a 'long-legged male gorilla'.
Reports sometimes describe large green eyes, a pronounced brow, and a large, pointed, low-set forehead that is alternately reported as crested and rounded.
(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: Or he's your grandfather and you see him at family functions, so you know exactly what he looks like.)
NINJA POWER WAS NOT ENOUGH. LOWETIDE WINS WITH 60% ON THE DOT.
1 hour ago