21 January 2007

Round 2: I've got soul but I'm not a kung-fu fighter.

KINGER, contributor for Always on the Road:

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Q & A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.
Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab.

Interests: ninjas, machine guns, getting pumped, vaginas, back flips, oilers, dogs, getting dogs pumped, aliens, u.f.o.s, monsters, catapults, zombies, round houses, jump kicks, scissor kicks, flying, frenching babes and animals, making blanket forts, summersaults, video games, time travel, and spreading the word about the most amazing creatures on earth--ninjas.

(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: I've met him. My survival was his choice, not mine.)

LOWETIDE, made famous by the blog Lowetide:

Individuals claiming to have seen Lowetide often give similar descriptions. They generally describe what is a 7 to 9 foot (2 to 2.5 meters) tall, ape- or human-like bipedal creature, broad-shouldered and of a strong build, covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. The head seems to sit directly on the shoulders, with no visible neck ever reported. The head is pointed, similar to the sagittal crest of the male gorilla. In fact, a good description would be of a 'long-legged male gorilla'.

Reports sometimes describe large green eyes, a pronounced brow, and a large, pointed, low-set forehead that is alternately reported as crested and rounded.

(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: Or he's your grandfather and you see him at family functions, so you know exactly what he looks like.)

NINJA POWER WAS NOT ENOUGH. LOWETIDE WINS WITH 60% ON THE DOT.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

That whole ninja thing might have been funny if I'd not seen it 2 years ago, and have not continued to see it ad naseum over the past 2 years.

Vote Lowtide, hands down, no competition. Insightful reflection on prospects, players past, and baseball analogies win everytime.

Although those links to Youtube are quite fun, and Stollie <3 Dvo still makes me smile mentally.

Anonymous said...

While I like ninjas, a ninja posing in what appears to be the men's department of The Bay is not-hot.

~Shell~ said...

I don't care for ninja's... and eyeris' comment about the Bay cracked me up!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think it's The Gap.

Anonymous said...

Even worse.

Anonymous said...

I think if lowetide makes it to the finals he should promise to show his face.

Or maybe his posts are just that hot.

This may not be the place, but when do you need new stuff for my next round?

Anonymous said...

The sooner, the better?

Anonymous said...

And I also have issue with the continued voting for someone that could be anyone...

I mean, so far, people who have put in effort keep falling..

Anonymous said...

Anonymous rules the internet. Plus it's much easier than actually typing in your name. Going to that much effort sucks. As does competing for gayest hot-off pose (Chris! would beat Kinger, but just by a hair - or a fake moustache in this case).

Anonymous said...

But anonymous was already in this competition and lost in the first round!

uni said...

That was only because none could stand before Grabia's raw sexual magnetism at the time.

lowetide said...

I think anyone who doesn't put in a bio and a photo should be disqualified. If they're not willing to put in the effort and still win over people who are, what does that say?

mudcrutch79 said...

That there's basically no line between "hotness" and "blog popularity"?

Enjoy LT. You're the darling of the alternative media in Edmonton and you're moving strongly in the hot-oil contest. I'm looking forward to the LT/Chris! showdown.

Anonymous said...

Tyler just wants to hit LT in the final and destroy him.

allan said...

It doesn't really matter at this point anyway.

Freddie Mercury will destroy all comers in round 3.

Terrie said...

I admit, Lowetide's posts motivated my vote this time, but I will need a face to vote for him again. Unless he is up against Pleasure Motors, then he has no chance.

Andy Grabia said...

Tyler just wants to hit LT in the final and destroy him.

He had to go through Winters and PM. No way he even gets to LT.

Andy Grabia said...

Or Shawn, for that matter, who looks to be as man-pretty as Mr. Mercury.

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