18 January 2007

Round 2: Sure not to disappoint!


From Andy Grabia:

Chris!: Doesn’t Deserve The Love

I don’t want to break “guy code” here, but I had a conversation with the Covered in Oil guys at the Gas N’ Sip recently, and this is what they said to me about women:

Chris!: “Andy man, no babe is worth it, you know. Listen, hang with us man, we'll teach you.”
Pleasure Motors: “Right, Andy man. You can't even trust them man, because you know what it's about? They spend your money, and they tell their friends everything man. It's economics.”
Chris!: “Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her off your mind.”
Mike W.: “Your only mistake is that you didn't dump her first. Loxy is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us and you walk tall.”
Pleasure Motors: “Bitches, man.”

I was also at a Christmas party over the holidays, and overheard this exchange:

Prez: “Hi Chris!, How are you? I love you.”
Chris!: “I love you too.”
Prez: “You invade my soul.”
Chris!: “I want to get back together, Jordi is gonna go to college and I'm gonna be alone and I'm gonna break up with her before she leaves. Have sex with me.”

Andy Grabia: Profile of the New Male

Favorite Song: “I really enjoy “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.”

Favorite Movie: “Cocoon. I've never actually seen it, but I heard it’s very good. It makes you happy. It’s about a group of people who go to outer space... hope I didn’t give anything away there.”

How He Stays Fit: “Kickboxing. You ever heard of it? Kickboxing. Sport of the future.”

Career Ambitions: “I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.”

“I am looking for a dare to be great situation.”

On Wooing Alana:
Interviewer: “I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to ask you - how'd you get Alana to go out with you?”
Andy Grabia: “I called her up.”
Interviewer: “But how come it worked? I mean, like, what are you?”
Andy Grabia: “I’m Andy Grabia.”
Interviewer: “This is great. This gives me hope. Thanks.”

On Having His Heart Broken By The Oilers: “I gave them my heart and they gave me a pen.”

When’s The Ding?: “It's coming... any second now... any second now…”

(ding)

BLACKOUT

Andy's opponent this round is Chris! from Covered in Oil, seen here sporting an identical moustache to that of my history professor. Although not a character in one of the greatest John Cusack movies of all time, Chris! is still worthy of your love. He is blinded by his own hotness. And you should be, too. I'll bet he'd even visit your dad in jail.


Sending Andy home to talk about his top 5 breakups of all time, Chris! wins an exciting round with 54% of the vote.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

A prolific profile by Grabia.

Wow.

Andy Grabia said...

I want it to be known that it was not I who spelled "Dobler" wrong. I did not even include that name in my submission. I would never spell Lloyd Dobler's name wrong.

Alana said...

"In your Eyes" is a fantastic song. I have a secret crush on Peter Gabriel.

mudcrutch79 said...

I'm confused. Is Andy going for the gay vote? There's no way women really like that sort of stuff.

Anonymous said...

He's got my vote, Tyler!

So, uh, make of that what you will.

Uh, Andy, Jenn's not back until Sunday, so ... call me?

Andy Grabia said...

Women don't like love, romance, and John Cusack? Just checking: you are single, right?

I'll take any vote I can get, though I find it interesting that you called my stuff gay. Chris! looks like he's about to enter a Freddie Mercury look-alike contest.

Anonymous said...

John Cusack is money.

lowetide said...

Andy: You spelled Dobler wrong. Plus he's a center and you have him as a LW.

You're welcome.

Andy Grabia said...

Andy: You spelled Dobler wrong. Plus he's a center and you have him as a LW.

Ah, the good ol' days.

Chris! said...

Pff. Pure gimmickry. I prefer to let "Mr. Tickles" speak for itself.

Anonymous said...

OH OH OH! That's it Chris! We are soooooooooo over. Besides your mum called and wants to know when she's dropping off your laundry.

We're still on for toenail painting right?

Chris! said...

Holy crap! It's a dead heat!

Anonymous said...

Umm, there is no 'NONE OF THE ABOVE' option.

Chris! said...

STOP HURTING OUR FEELINGS

Andy Grabia said...

Pff. Pure gimmickry.

Uh huh. Because that picture was taken of you yesterday, before you went to work, right?

Anonymous said...

I've always been diggin' Grabia's Winnie the Pooh pose, it just makes ya wanna squeeze him - in a fuzzy-wuzzy sort of way. Hot old-Oilers orange, too.

Chris! has trimmed the chops and 'stache, but sticks with the shades and throws down a pucker like Bernadette Peters. I'm gettin' more of a cold barracks latrine feel than anything. Yeeks.

Anonymous said...

I'm letting the contest run until Sunday.

Just because it's so close. Or because I'm lazy.

Achtungbaby said...

Gees Chris, did you steal those glasses off The Edge during the Popmart tour.

Achtungbaby said...

http://www.u2photos.com/zimg-u5/u2p19971026/971026r5-19.jpg

Tell me that's not the look you were going after.