30 January 2007

And then there was four... A study of how all the interesting contestants lost already.


Why vote for Chris!?

This is a true story: the details are fuzzy, but years ago Chris saved another man's life when he heard a loud thump in the next apartment, went in and found some dude collapsed from having mixed ammonia and bleach. Nearly passing out from the fumes himself, Chris dragged the poor bastard outside until he recovered. If I saved someone, people wouldn't hear the end of it (I can see myself now, mid-boast, accidently spittling in some girl's face at a bar), but Chris never brings it up or brags about it -- in fact, I only heard about it recently. That and he has good taste in plaid shirts.

Now, i'm a bit puzzled by the events of the past few weeks being played out in the great hot-off. i'm all for men of mystery (which partially explains my love for the enigmatic hemsky) but how is that lowetide, a man...if he is a man...makes it to the semi-finals when no one has seen what he looks like? how can i lend my support to someone who will not reveal his hotness to the world? on the other end of the spectrum, how is it that a man with a never-ending umbilicus makes it past the first round? i'm still troubled by this. But sanity prevailed and the better (ie. hotter) man won.

but back to the task at hand...Chris! may have nice lips in a "you got a pretty mouth, boy" sort of way, but the porn 'stache is doing nothing for me. grow the hair a bit longer and you've got yourself a poster boy for "CHiPs." so once again, i find myself not so much
voting for Chris! as voting against lowetide. i would like to ask everyone to do the same in protest of the lack of lowetide's hotness verification.

Whatever.

CHRIS KNOCKS OUT LOWETIDE WITH 75% OF THE VOTE!

28 January 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines.

We started with 24.

We found that Jesus and Ninjas couldn't beat sailboats and puppies.

We saw facial hair, body hair and kitty hair.

In your eyes, camera phones and honesty weren't enough.

And we are left with 4 people.

Two are from Covered in Oil, one is the legendary (but never photographed) Lowetide, and the last is Shawn.

Tuesday morning I will post Chris! vs. Lowetide. I ask that the competitors submit pictures, and I ask that the fans email me to put their support behind one of these men. Tell me why we should vote for your man. The best answers will get posted with a brief profile.

Stoll + Hunter = Gossip

So, we recently heard some rumours that Stoli and Rachel Hunter had gone their separate ways. Luckily, paparazzi were available to catch the happy couple together on the beach during the past week. Not to worry, Oil fans -- Rod Stewart's ex-wife looks to remain tied to Edmonton, at least for the time being. We are famous by proxy! Although I have to point out that Jarret's shorts are on the extreme end of ugly. Whatever, we beat L.A.! THE OILERS ARE THE BEST TEAM IN HISTORY! BECAUSE I'M DRUNK! BECAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY PARTY DAY!

25 January 2007

Round 2, day 4: Puppies, kitties, and uh...Jesus


From Shawn:
I officially have to bring out the big guns.

I told myself I'd never take things to this point. I told myself I'd never go this far. But drastic times call for drastic action.

If one dog isn't enough to take down a naked man only one thing can...

...TWO dogs!

I'm sorry, you forced my hand.

I - like the Edmonton Oilers - know that when it's clutch time you have to take things up a notch.

Here I am with my little puppy Mowgli and the dog I puppysat this summer, Tinker. Not only are they cute dogs, but they're named after characters in Disney movies. Can you resist the cuteness?

Oh, I guess I'm there too. Here you can see my ability to grow a playoff beard. That stubble comes from a mere 24 hours without shaving. My blogger profile photo should prove that I can grow a mean playoff beard, and if you visit oilcountryontario.blogspot.com and scroll to the bottom you will see that playoff beard in action from the Motor City.

What else can I say? Did Loxy mention that I burned a mini-Pronger jersey? Good women of Hot Oil, if I signed a long term deal with you I wouldn't demand out after the first year! Nor would I sleep with the goalie's wife. I'm a one Oiler-Fan Man.

...now if I win I need to find a few more dogs.



From Pleasure Motors:
Testimonials for Pleasure Motors:

Jesus: "The man is a walking argument against taking a vow ofchastity. When God said, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' I think He was talking directly to PM."

Kitten: Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Purrr. Purrrrrrrrrrrrr.Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Purrrrrrr. (plays with string being dangled infront of face) Purrrrrrrrrrr.


In a surprise upset, Shawn wins. The men cry, the ladies cheer and if Shawn doesn't do something amazing next round, he'll just be another Cinderella Story.

22 January 2007

Round 2, Day 2

Here we have Mike W, from Covered in Oil. Likes: Drawing, writing slash, sweaters, sailboats, art galleries. Dislikes: Self-entitled assholes who hog street hockey courts, working on Saturday. Sympathetic toward: Ty Conklin, MAB.


Please meet MC79, from mc79hockey.com. Likes: Statistics (especially goal differentials. Rawr!), lawyering, baseball, debates. Dislikes: The Leafs, poorly thought-out arguments. Sympathetic toward: Almost any player currently being lynched -- he will prove the masses wrong with numbers!





Voting over! Mike W takes it with 57.9%!

21 January 2007

Round 2: I've got soul but I'm not a kung-fu fighter.

KINGER, contributor for Always on the Road:

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Q & A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.
Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab.

Interests: ninjas, machine guns, getting pumped, vaginas, back flips, oilers, dogs, getting dogs pumped, aliens, u.f.o.s, monsters, catapults, zombies, round houses, jump kicks, scissor kicks, flying, frenching babes and animals, making blanket forts, summersaults, video games, time travel, and spreading the word about the most amazing creatures on earth--ninjas.

(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: I've met him. My survival was his choice, not mine.)

LOWETIDE, made famous by the blog Lowetide:

Individuals claiming to have seen Lowetide often give similar descriptions. They generally describe what is a 7 to 9 foot (2 to 2.5 meters) tall, ape- or human-like bipedal creature, broad-shouldered and of a strong build, covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. The head seems to sit directly on the shoulders, with no visible neck ever reported. The head is pointed, similar to the sagittal crest of the male gorilla. In fact, a good description would be of a 'long-legged male gorilla'.

Reports sometimes describe large green eyes, a pronounced brow, and a large, pointed, low-set forehead that is alternately reported as crested and rounded.

(LOXY'S INSIDE INFO: Or he's your grandfather and you see him at family functions, so you know exactly what he looks like.)

NINJA POWER WAS NOT ENOUGH. LOWETIDE WINS WITH 60% ON THE DOT.

What it looks like so far...

20 January 2007

Hot LiveBlog: Calgary at Edmonton

So I've never tried liveblogging anything before, but I found myself at home on the couch this particular Saturday evening and thought I'd give it a nudge. If I stop posting around the second intermission, it will mean the Oilers are losing and I've gone to watch my Grey's Anatomy box set. GOILERS!

Cherry is unusually toned-down this evening in a black and white polka-dot number. As usual, I can't understand a word he's hollering. Ron McLean, you are a patient, patient man.

I don't know what to think about Hrudey's new haircut. His head now resembles a tennis ball more than anything. Have they re-done the ice paint at Rexall? It looks more...sharp, or something, than usual.

Hemsky's in the lineup, but Stoll is out. Ms. Hunter must be nursing his broken nose.

A blatant trip by Lombardi. Ineffective PowerPlay GO!

Oooh MAB! You are good for something! Huge hipcheck on Yelle. I likey.

God damn, I hate that passive agressive Home Depot bitch!

Stortini is leading the AHL in penalty minutes? That's awesome. The clip of him losing his stick in Roli's skate was cute. Powerplay! Way to draw a penalty, new guy!

Apparently the announcers don't like the Black Eyed Peas. Join the club, pals.

Why is Raffi's chin-fuzz always off-center? It's maddening!

Horcoff is playing with heart tonight! I wonder what's up.

I'm back to hating MAB. Why can't he clear the puck, EVER?

Roli with a penalty for playing the puck outside the trapeziod. I think that's the first time I've ever seen that called. Huh.

Roli's baseball move makes an appearance, but it's after the whistle. Every time I see Phaneuf's weasely face, I want to punch it.

Lombardi sneaks one around Roli while Smid stands aside to watch (literally not moving his feet). 1-0 Flames. Boo.

Powerplay #3 -- Let's see if we can't get the puck past the red line, eh boys?

Ah, the good old Craig Simpson pass-pass-fake shot-pass-miss the net play. I love that one.

Jason Smith and Hejda are out there right now, and they look good together. They can actually keep the puck in the opposing end, unlike some defencemen I know.

First Intermission -- Roli looks sharp, and the Oil have had a few good chances. 3 unsuccessful powerplays. I'm optimistic-ish.

Hrudey loves Jason Smith! He loooooves him. He wants to maaaaaarry him.

Lady, if you want new floors, tell your damn husband YOURSELF!

Second period starts with a penalty to Raffi. Don't let it get you down, li'l champ!

At least the penalty-kill looks good. Hemsky with a nice chance, but afraid to shoot, again.

A nice little Oiler-Defence-failed-passes montage by the CBC. Salt, meet wound.

Smith and Godard face off, but nothing comes of it yet. I'd love to know what Smith was saying. I hope he called Godard a "cockface stink-fuck."

Lots of great tip-in chances for the Oil, but they can't quite get it in the net. Frustrating!

Another Flames goal sneaks through Roli's legs. MAB may have been screening the shot. Of course. 2-0 Flames. Sigh.

Now the announcers are saying the Flames goal deflected off of MAB. He's the French Ziggy.

Nice chance for Pisani! Wide open in the slot, but stupid Kiprusoff makes the save.

Fucking hell. Fuck! Huselius and Tanguay are too much for Smith (the only defence back) and fire one past Roli. 3-0 Flames, and medical melodrama is sounding pretty good right now.

Second Intermission -- Lots of huge opportunities for the Oil, but they just can't get the puck in the net. Roli didn't have much of a chance on any of the goals and, to beat a zombie horse, it's clear that our defence is not up to par. What are you waiting for, K.Lo?

Dustin Boyd has worse mom hair than Winchester.

Don Cherry showed a clip of the third goal again and it's clear that Smid should have stopped Huselius at the blue line. Kid's having a bad game.

HA! HA! Roli with an awesome dive. He takes an "embellishment" penalty to offset the Flames' goalie interference.

Eat a dick, Phaneuf. 4-0 Flames.

MacT pulls Roli and puts in the Juice. My boyfriend looks sad.

Markkanen has learned a few tricks from Roloson! He gives Hamrlik a nice shove in the crease and draws another goalie interference penalty. Let's see what Craig Simpson does with this powerplay, shall we?

Stortini: put your vaunted bad-assedness to use and take out Kipper, willya?

Oh, Cotton-Eyed Joe. Will you ever be retired from play?

Stortini starts a big fight. Marty takes on Nilson, loses his sweater and gets a game misconduct. Stortini takes a 10-minute misconduct.

Next shift, Smith takes on Regehr and gets a few good shots in. As mentioned in the comments, Smith is a scary dude. Hilariously, he's given a slashing penalty and Calgary goes on the powerplay.

This game is committing the first cardinal sin of hockey: it's boring. Completely and utterly boring.

Post-Game -- Jesus H. Christ, Phaneuf is a terrible interview. Monosyllabic tool.

That does it for my first (and probably last) liveblogging experiment. What a crap game. I think I need to go watch some ridiculously good-looking surgeons to cheer myself up. Good night!

19 January 2007

We interrupt this Hot-Off for a Public Service Announcement



And now back to our regularly scheduled male objectification...

18 January 2007

Round 2: Sure not to disappoint!


From Andy Grabia:

Chris!: Doesn’t Deserve The Love

I don’t want to break “guy code” here, but I had a conversation with the Covered in Oil guys at the Gas N’ Sip recently, and this is what they said to me about women:

Chris!: “Andy man, no babe is worth it, you know. Listen, hang with us man, we'll teach you.”
Pleasure Motors: “Right, Andy man. You can't even trust them man, because you know what it's about? They spend your money, and they tell their friends everything man. It's economics.”
Chris!: “Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her off your mind.”
Mike W.: “Your only mistake is that you didn't dump her first. Loxy is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us and you walk tall.”
Pleasure Motors: “Bitches, man.”

I was also at a Christmas party over the holidays, and overheard this exchange:

Prez: “Hi Chris!, How are you? I love you.”
Chris!: “I love you too.”
Prez: “You invade my soul.”
Chris!: “I want to get back together, Jordi is gonna go to college and I'm gonna be alone and I'm gonna break up with her before she leaves. Have sex with me.”

Andy Grabia: Profile of the New Male

Favorite Song: “I really enjoy “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.”

Favorite Movie: “Cocoon. I've never actually seen it, but I heard it’s very good. It makes you happy. It’s about a group of people who go to outer space... hope I didn’t give anything away there.”

How He Stays Fit: “Kickboxing. You ever heard of it? Kickboxing. Sport of the future.”

Career Ambitions: “I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.”

“I am looking for a dare to be great situation.”

On Wooing Alana:
Interviewer: “I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to ask you - how'd you get Alana to go out with you?”
Andy Grabia: “I called her up.”
Interviewer: “But how come it worked? I mean, like, what are you?”
Andy Grabia: “I’m Andy Grabia.”
Interviewer: “This is great. This gives me hope. Thanks.”

On Having His Heart Broken By The Oilers: “I gave them my heart and they gave me a pen.”

When’s The Ding?: “It's coming... any second now... any second now…”

(ding)

BLACKOUT

Andy's opponent this round is Chris! from Covered in Oil, seen here sporting an identical moustache to that of my history professor. Although not a character in one of the greatest John Cusack movies of all time, Chris! is still worthy of your love. He is blinded by his own hotness. And you should be, too. I'll bet he'd even visit your dad in jail.


Sending Andy home to talk about his top 5 breakups of all time, Chris! wins an exciting round with 54% of the vote.

16 January 2007

Day 8: Round 1 is almost over.

Shawn:

As the only guy in this group who actually submitted a picture and profile, I'm going to just cut and paste:

I am a radio newscasters and reporter who also has a gig hosting hockey games for our community television station. From what I can tell I'm not losting my hair at any rate, though at 26 I'm all ready getting a few grey hairs. I say they're distinguished looking!

I note for bonus points that I became an Oiler fan despite living no where near Edmonton and growing up with my uncle and father waging a war of Christmast/Birthday presents to try and win me to either the Maple Leafs or Canadiens. I never budged. I didn't even jump on the bandwagon and become a fan of my home town Senators when they came into the league. I've been to every Oiler game in Ottawa since 1997 (and I'll be going this year despite no longer living anywhere near it) and drove 5 hours to Detroit and 5 hours back for Game 1 of the playoffs this year... before working a 5am shift at work.

In a woman I look for someone who can carry on their end of a conversation, because I love to talk... and talk, and talk, and talk, and listen. I want someone who will challenge me instead of letting me get away with my bullshit. I am attracted to independent women , but have no "type." Plus we all know the hottest women in the world are Oiler fans! *thumbs up*

Why should you vote for him? One picture.

Speeds: He's a prospect junkie on IOF. And stuff.









Vic Ferrari: He's the creator of IOF. And stuff.









Wow, this isn't biased at all.

To the gentlemen who have made round 2, please submit a new picture and profile. The bar has been raised - or lowered, depending on how you look at it.

SHAWN TAKES IT!

14 January 2007

Oilogosphere Hot-Off: Day 7

Sacamano

Oilogosphere pioneer and Matt's better side over at the Battle of Alberta until he relocated to Siberia, Sacamano has this to say for himself:

Favourite Oiler: Radek Dvorak

Hair Loss Rate: Steady on the dome, but it is counteracted by the negative loss rate on the back.

Likes: Grey Cup Parties, Christmas, Houseboating, Chariots of Fire, Journey, Curling, and the smell of gasoline.

Dislikes: New Year's Eve Parties, Andie MacDowell ["word." -- alana], The Hockey Hall of Fame, People who refer to players by their numbers rather than their names ["word to that, too." -- alana], and cd cases.

What I Look For in a Lady: A woman who is about 5'3 1/4" in height with curly brown hair, a heavy slap shot, an irrational love of Raffi Torres, and who is not afraid to play dirty in the corners.

Extra-Special Hot Attributes: I have a half-thumb

Moto: "Get a Redhead in Bed"

Favourite Pickup Move: Steamroller Stall.

Go Oil!

RiversQ
Pictured here with our very own Loxy, IOF contributor RiversQ didn't submit a profile for this contest. So ... it looks like he enjoys beer. That's definitely something I can get behind.

Pleasure Motors

Regarding the (awesome) photo, PM says: "I just
know you're going to use the crazy apeman photo of Sacamano, and
there's simply no way to compete with that, except by going nuclear." Here's everything else you want to know about Covered in Oil's youngest contributor:

Favourite Oiler: Marc-Andre Bergeron. One day Oilers fans will come
to appreciate mistake-prone offensive defencemen, and on that day I
will be riding on the shoulders of Bergeron and Tom Poti, singing
"It's Raining Men."

Hair loss: I have so much, thick, lustrous hair, I regularly donate
it to the SPCA so they can re-fur burned kittens.

Look for in a lady: Currently "off the market," so mostly discretion.
A left-handed shot would be nice, as well.

Trash talk:
Sacamano and RiversQ have a collective tattoo across
their back and chest that, when they stand next to each other, says
"CALGARY" on the front, and "RULES!" on the back, if Sacamano is
standing to Rivers' right. I will not go into what it says below the
belt line.


Despite a strong push by RiversQ, Pleasure Motors takes it with 45% of the vote
. (And we all feel a little shame inside)

12 January 2007

Oilogosphere Hot Off Day #6


Mirtle: He writes for the Globe and Mail. He blogs about hockey. He is the "Sydney Crosby of hockey blogging." It is apparent in this photo that Mirtle has not become acquainted with hair loss. He is also the master of the "come hither" look. Mirtle looks like the kind of guy who would like to take you out to a nice dinner and talk hockey to you all night long. And that defined jawbone doesn't hurt, either.

Michael: Michael's favourite Oiler is Petr Sykora because of his alleged resemblance to Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl. He also likes Dwayne Roloson because of Roli's ability to combine sports. At the young age of 24, Michael still has a full head of hair. He likes his women to be witty and sarcastic. Now if that's not sexy, I don't know what is.

Mike W: His blog makes all the girls squealy. His posts reflect a man whose heart breaks with every Oilers loss. In his spare time, Mike W enjoys riding in boats and creating hilarious comics about the Oilers. Like most of the competition, Mike W still has a healthy head of hair that will no doubt be around to dance in the wind for many years to come. Plus, his co-blogger, Chris! has already made it to the next round. You could turn Covered in Oil into the bloody mayhem of a battle field.

MIKE AND HIS SAILBOAT TAKE IT, WITH 64% OF THE VOTE

11 January 2007

I believe in the Church of Baseball Roloson

I'm happy to see that the Edmonton Journal finally decided that one of Roloson's more entertaining eccentricities -- batting the puck down the ice like a baseball -- is newsworthy. I've wondered about that weirdo move for a while, and it appears that he learned it from none other than that crazy old Czech, Dominik Hasek. I think it's funny that this play still makes MacT nervous, considering that Roli's probably the only player in the defensive end that can actually make a good break-out pass these days.

In other Roli news, my boyfriend apparently has a new mask. I've always hated that rig pig on the side, so I'm happy with the change. Supposedly the replacement should stay on his head better than the old version, but I hope they didn't tighten the straps too much -- I love pop-o-matic Roli!

10 January 2007

Today's battle is brought to you by the letter M

Matt
All you really need to know about the Battle of Alberta's Matt is that he's a Flames fan, and therefore evil. Vote at your own risk. Favourite Bring it On quote: "You put the 'lewd' in 'deluded.'"


MattM
MattM kicks it with Hot-Off quarterfinalist Kinger over at Always on the Road. Is hotness contagious? Though he lives in Vancouver, this Oilogger is no Canucks sympathizer. Favourite Bring it On quote: "Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys."


MC79
Everyone's favourite Toronto law-talking-guy is known for rocking the stats and bringing the funny over at his Oilog, mc79hockey.com. Last year, he brought Schremp's thong to the public. How will MC79 rape our retinas in 2007? Favourite Bring it On quote: "Hey ladies -- wanna see my spirit stick?"








Voting Over! MC79 takes it with 62%!

09 January 2007

A quick glance at a former Oiler:



Now I don't do this often, mostly due to the fact that I already have an entire fan page dedicated to him, but the arrival of another washed-up (in the most attractive sense) former Oiler Petr Nedved made me think of Igor Ulanov in an Oily way.

It appears that the last game played by Yaroslavl Lokomotiv, Ulanov's new team, has gone the way of 2005-06 Edmonton Oilers in dealing with him. Now I can't read Russian, but it appears that Ulanov has once again been warming seats in the a press box (or "кабина СМИ" according to the online translator). What a waste.

On a somewhat related note, Edmonton has two injured defencemen, and they've brought up Tom Gilbert (squee!) from Wilkes-Barre/Scranton in the AHL. At least MacTavish didn't shy away from teaching Matt Greene a much-needed lesson. Let's hope this trend continues.

Perhaps in the theme of keeping Matt Greene in the press box, Edmonton should give old (in the most attractive sense) Ulie a call. He'd probably spend less time in the penalty box.

08 January 2007

Day 4: Into the depths of the 'sphere

Lord Bob, in his words: My favourite Oiler is Marc-Andre Bergeron, because he's so small and lovable and unpopular and I just want to pick him up and squeeze until it doesn't hurt anymore. As my parents will tell you, I am not losing my hair quickly enough (although I only turned twenty December 24, so plenty of time left). I like my ladies to be smart, sassy, and willing to leave me alone when I want to be left alone. My favourite colour is eight. I think Mark Messier is the best player of all time and that any city which builds a hockey arena after the AJHL team leaves needs to be atomic bombed. If I weren't an Oilers fan, I'd probably cheer for the San Jose Sharks out of a misplaced sense of pity.

Lowetide: Let me make this clear, Lowetide is not Shawn Horcoff. Instead of finding the picture of someone who is definitely not Lowetide, I just looked at the post he wrote on my birthday and used that picture. I think we can all agree that he is the blogger that we aspire to be. He teaches us. We believe in Lowetide.



Marc Ciampa writes articles on Edmonton Oilers.com. Not to bias the vote, but before he started writing for the Oilers, I found articles about the Moose (yes, farm team for the Canucks) and worse, the Canucks. I'm pretty confident that the Marc Ciampa picture I found is also not him. But that's up to you to decide.




Congrats Lowetide! (with 63.7% of vote)

06 January 2007

Oilogosphere Day #3


Dennis (Irreverent Oil Fans): Interests include writing lengthy posts without rambling incoherently, not responding to questionaires and being really happy. Yes, Dennis posts things you actually want to read! Favourite Oiler? No idea. Maybe he loves them all equally. Not voting for him would be like paying full price for cheaply-made merchandise.













Kinger (
Always on the Road): Interests include idolizing royalty (favourite player is Mathieu Roy, perhaps?), lusting after the newish line of Smyth-Horcoff-Lupul and posting video footage. Not voting for him would put you in the same league as those kids who spit in your burger.

Don E. Coyote (The Unofficial Igor Ulanov Fan Club): Interests include drinking pints at campus bars, hosting middle-of-the-night radio shows on campus radio stations and celebrating the works of Igor Ulanov very periodically. Favourite Oiler: Ulanov. Favourite current Oiler: Sykora (but only when he plays on a line with Hemsky). His ideal woman: Patrick Swayze. Not voting for him would be like spitting on the last 14 NHL seasons.


VOTING CLOSED.

Kinger wins with 52% of the vote!

05 January 2007

One Thousand wins!



The Oilers marked their 1000th franchise win on Tuesday, clobbering Florida 4-1. Those "Belfoooouuurrrr" chants really paid off.

The "Turco" ones of tonight did not. Dallas backup golatender Mark Smith let four past him in the first two periods. We were beating them 4 to freaking 1! By the middle of the third, Dallas was beating us 5-4. Because of Patrik Stefan's poor luck, the Oilers were able to get a point out of tonight's gong show. You were lucky this time, Bergeron.

Smid has developed a shoulder injury and has been placed on the IR. Word is that he'll be out for 7-10 days. Greene saw far too much ice time (18:28 it always seems like so much more). Greene was back to the 05/06 version of himself, getting three penalties and icing the puck ten thousand times.

What a return for Petr Nedved. The former Oiler played most of the game on the Czech line with Hemsky and Sykora, and he scored a goal. Not much to write home about, but Oilers fans seemed delirious, cheering madly whenever Nedved touched the puck. We continue to hope for miracles.

04 January 2007

Oilogosphere Hot-Off: Matchup #2

Pat (Black Dog Hates Skunks)

Favourite Oiler - Ryan Smyth for obvious reasons (he's a dope and that's funny, he's the heart and soul of the team and that's admirable)

Hair - Still have a pile despite pushing 40 and that's on my head, not popping out of various orifices, like many of my friends

What I used to look for in a lady (before I got married and had two kids) - sense of humour, good conversation, someone who likes to have fun (and that includes going out for pints pints pints)! What I look for now - is she my wife? Yep. Ok, I can proceed.

Boxers or briefs - boxers

Mantra - "I'm almost forty but I'm not dead yet!"
Of Note - Pat has never lived in Edmonton or Alberta, even, and yet he loves the Oil.

Colby Cosh (Website)
Mr. Cosh failed to send in a profile, but I think it's safe to say that this rugged specimen (and former editor of the Alberta Report) is a true prairie boy. Originally hailing from Bon Accord, which had a mean ringette team in my day, Mr. Cosh is the proud owner of two cats and claims to be 29% gay. Women love cats and gay men, right?

Chris! (Covered in Oil)

Height/Weight: 6-foot-3, 190 lbs


Average Body Temperature: 37C (HOT)


Rating on Scofield Scale: 250,000
(VERY HOT)

Favourite Bon Jovi Song: "99 In the Shade" (THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S

QUITE HOT)

Favourite Oiler: Ethan Moreau — not for his hotness, but for his

efforts to preserve historic buildings.

Rate of Hair Loss: glacial.

VOTING OVER -- CHRIS! WINS!

02 January 2007

Day 1: Intro to the Oilogosphere Hot-Off

Andy Grabia: A man who catapulted to fame on Battle of Alberta after the departure of Sacamano. He continually puts the ass in class. Voting for him is like hanging out with your creepy uncle. You want to do it, but you don't want anyone to catch you in the act.



Anonymous Poster: This man scours the internet looking for fights to start and spelling mistakes to be made. He uses the veil of anonymity to make a mockery of comment sections web-wide. He could be super hot; he could just be Andy Grabia.


AsiaOil: This could be a girl for all I know. But I needed a few more Oilogospherians for the hot-off. Don't vote for this person just cause you think they might be a girl. They wouldn't vote for you.



Voting ends when Alana posts Day 2 on January 4th. Good luck to all!



Final Results:

Andy Grabia: 76 Votes (66.1%)

The Anonymous Poster: 30 Votes (26.1%)

AsiaOil: 9 Votes (7.8%)

Guess who's back?


Source: Tsn.ca

Of note: He and his wife have seperated, so she won't join Rachel in the stands anytime soon.