Dear Mr. Moreau -

Congratulations! This letter is to inform you that you have won the first annual Hot-Off competition hosted by Hot Oil, a month-long battle to determine who the hottest Oiler is. Your victory was no small feat, considering the high overall level of hotness represented on the Edmonton Oilers roster.

In your first-round win against Igor Ulanov, you were established as an early favourite with the voter comment “Ethan looks like he could make you ovulate from across the room with one glance.” As the competition went on, Petr Sykora, Raffi Torres, Craig MacTavish, and finally Dwayne Roloson were also felled by our voters’ passion for your, er, “shorthanded goal record.”

Please find enclosed a “Certificate of Hotness” documenting your status as Hot Champion 2006, as well as a few tokens of our appreciation for your toothless smile.

The above letter and certificate were mailed to our Hot-Off champion Ethan Moreau yesterday, care of the Oilers, along with some "prizes." For your entertainment (or boredom, depending on how exciting you find colour printers), I have photo-documented the process by which our grand prize package was assembled and mailed:

Here's my printer at work. Way to go, little guy!

Here I am typing the letter. If this were Top Model, Janice Dickinson would say that my hand looks like a catcher's mitt.

The certificate goes into an envelope. I used cardboard to make sure the paper wouldn't get creased!

Look what I found in my medicine cabinet!

Here's the total package: letter in the white envelope; certificate in the yellow. In addition to the Hot Oil, our prizes include Hot Rod meat sticks and Hot Tamales candy. Nothing goes with processed meat like synthetic cinnamon flavour!

Here's my friendly neighborhood postal worker getting ready to ship our package off to the winner. Huzzah!