20 October 2006

Too easy, MC79

So, due to the high number of search engine hits he was getting for "Does _____ have a girlfiend?," Tyler of mc79hockey fame challenged us to compile a list of which Oilers are taken and which ones are not. Thanks to Google and our super-helpful readers, this challenge was pretty simple. Next time, we'll have to raise the bar.

As a side note, have you looked at the roster page lately? Apparently the Oilers are from OUTER SPACE!

Without further delay, here is the list. To all of you squeeing fangirls out there who hope that, one day, you may be able to land yourself an athletic, hairy, and toothless hunk of Oilers man-meat: We salute you.

Shawn Horcoff
Ryan Smyth
Petr Sykora
Ethan Moreau
Marty Reasoner
Jason Smith
Daniel Tjarnqvist
Dwayne Roloson (sigh)
Alexei Mikhnov
Jan Hejda
Steve Staios
Fernando Pisani
Jussi Markkanen
Craig MacTavish
Patrick Thoresen (thanks, Pat!)

Raffi Torres (engaged, I believe)
Jarret Stoll (Mr. Rachel Hunter)
Ales Hemsky*
Ladislav Smid*
Kyle Brodziak*

Single (OMG!)
Joffrey Lupul
Brad Winchester
Matt Greene
Jean-Francois Jacques*

*Unconfirmed, but we're pretty sure. If you know for a fact that any of these are wrong, please let us know.


Loxy said...

The space theme makes Marty's roster picture actually make sense. The rest of the guys look way too confortable looking into the time-space continuum.

I forgot that I have have a Marty Reasoner wife story! It's not much, my brother was at a hair salon and she was making a fuss. Upon her departure, the hair stylist said she's a bitch.

Loxy said...

P.S. I call Lupul.

You snooze, you lose.

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

Those roster pics freak me out. They are kind of hypnotic but the background and face distortion makes me nauseous.

Or it could be that I'm hungover and sleep deprived.

margee said...

The roster pictures definitely make them all look like they have a serious case of the wonk-eye. Sykora and Torres fit in pretty well, too. It's the hair, probably.

I'm kind of devastated by the very idea that Raffi is taken.

Epinonymous said...

I'm all like...wtf dude!?!?!

Seriously, though...that's a trip.

"We will mesmerize you with our depth...."

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

Any pics of Raffi with his new hairdo? apparently he has shaved his head completely in order to change his luck or become more aerodynamic or just because he is, well, seriously odd

Jordi said...

I wonder if MAB's girlfriend gets booed by the wives like the fans boo him. Probably.

Sherry said...

Glad to hear someone out there loves MAB.

Those roster pictures make Tjarnqvist look like he has a crazy eye. Or maybe he just has a crazy eye.

Anonymous said...

Okay, but the important question is, is Hemsky's supposed girlfriend Czech or Canadian?

{I'm just glad he has a girlfriend...haha.)

the Prez said...

Tjarnqvist just has a crazy eye. And it's sexy.

Feynman and Coulter's Love Child said...

You can add MAP to this list too, assuming that he's only slightly less of an Oiler than JFJ: hot tall blonde girl who's name I forget at the moment but starts with an "O".

Alana said...

Interesting. Thanks, FCLC.

just_my_2_cents said...

You guys should do names and kids naes. That's be pretty neat--

The Governator said...

Hemsky has a rumored girlfriend? Damn. I was hoping he was single so i could go all puck bunny and snatch him up.

And honestly, why is Brad Winchester single? I met him today and he is a very good looking guy. And something of a charmer.

Pam (chopper) said...

Bergeron's gf is pregnant - he's going to be a daddy.
Someome told me they heard it on the team a week ago or so.
I hope the baby doesn't have his nose - LOL.

Pam said...

*TEAM 1260 - an Edm sports radio show - thought I should clarify that for yous that don't live in Edm.

alli said...

Oh Ladies, look at all of you pathetic puck wanna bes. first i can clear some things up. MARGEE yes Raffi is taken, hard for you to take in im sure but you must. he and his extremely gorgeous girlfriend have been together for a very long time. Now, LOXY who i have many issues with, you "call" lupul, well congrats but do you think he will want you? a girl that stalks him online. and whoever posted this list in the first place needs to get a life. why are you all so worried about them, yes maybe some of you have had encounters with a few of them. but i hope you know that they probably used you and laughed about you then next day in the dressing room. so if you are still wondering why he never called you back, its becasue you are nothing to him. anyways i guess you all have nothing better to do than fantasize about OILERS!!! (OMG!!!!) And no Isabelle(MAB'S girlfriend) does not get booed, and my question is why would she. and why would they post names of wives and kids so that you can bash them as well, and are you now going to creep on their children too? and dont worry about how bitchy martys wife is, maybe the hairdresser messed up, and im sure some of you have had bad days like that. brad winchestor is single because he wants to be, dont stress about it. maybe you should call dibs. anyways i think my point has been made, they are just normal people in high profile postions so please have a little respect. imagine finding a site that is dedicated to bashing you, your family and friends. im sure you will all have lots to say about this but keep in mind that the more angry you are..the more itr shows i have touched a raw spot.

fleecefish said...


alli is a joke said...

Yikes! One word for you alli: MEOW!

Anonymous said...

Why do i get the distinct feeling that alli is in fact a scorned fan girl? OR GUY? Dear god...........

sporkfan said...

My wife went to the Detroit game on Saturday and got one of the programs. Thoresen's *girlfriend* is pregnant and expecting over the holidays. So, he's not married, if "You're In Oil Country" can be taken as authoritative (and I believe it can).

Anonymous said...

Lupul has a girlfriend.. saw them at west ed.

Lindsay said...

Thoreson is not married, it's his girlfriend. If you take the text in Norwegian from the link and translate it online, it comes up kind of garbled but it takes about his daughter and his "cohabit", which i am assuming means he isn't married. Just "cohabiting" :D

Anonymous said...

Brodziak cannot have a girlfriend........ its just not right. Hes too hot!!!!

Karmen said...


Anonymous said...

How do you girls know if Oilers have gf's or not? It sounds like you girls are stalking them or something?

Sydthe Roli Lover(Squee)PS email me if you love Roli dwayne_roloson_fan35@hotmail.com said...

Dwayne Roloson married to Melissa Geale...also from Simcoe.Blond.Yuck.(NO OFFENCE TO THOSE NORMAL NON-DWAYNE STEALING BLONDES!!!!!JUST MRS DWAYNE,AND THATS IT)Gawd,don't you just HATE her?

Anonymous said...

Brodziak is engaged.... I went to high school with him.. They have been together for almost 5 years now! Hard to believe because he isn't the "settling down type"