Too easy, MC79

So, due to the high number of search engine hits he was getting for "Does _____ have a girlfiend?," Tyler of mc79hockey fame challenged us to compile a list of which Oilers are taken and which ones are not. Thanks to Google and our super-helpful readers, this challenge was pretty simple. Next time, we'll have to raise the bar.

As a side note, have you looked at the roster page lately? Apparently the Oilers are from OUTER SPACE!

Without further delay, here is the list. To all of you squeeing fangirls out there who hope that, one day, you may be able to land yourself an athletic, hairy, and toothless hunk of Oilers man-meat: We salute you.

Married
Shawn Horcoff
Ryan Smyth
Petr Sykora
Ethan Moreau
Marty Reasoner
Jason Smith
Daniel Tjarnqvist
Dwayne Roloson (sigh)
Alexei Mikhnov
Jan Hejda
Steve Staios
Fernando Pisani
Jussi Markkanen
Craig MacTavish
Patrick Thoresen (thanks, Pat!)

Girlfriend
MAB
Raffi Torres (engaged, I believe)
Jarret Stoll (Mr. Rachel Hunter)
Ales Hemsky*
Ladislav Smid*
Kyle Brodziak*
MAP

Single (OMG!)
Joffrey Lupul
Brad Winchester
Matt Greene
Jean-Francois Jacques*

*Unconfirmed, but we're pretty sure. If you know for a fact that any of these are wrong, please let us know.

Comments

Loxy said…
The space theme makes Marty's roster picture actually make sense. The rest of the guys look way too confortable looking into the time-space continuum.

I forgot that I have have a Marty Reasoner wife story! It's not much, my brother was at a hair salon and she was making a fuss. Upon her departure, the hair stylist said she's a bitch.
Loxy said…
P.S. I call Lupul.

You snooze, you lose.
Black Dog said…
Those roster pics freak me out. They are kind of hypnotic but the background and face distortion makes me nauseous.

Or it could be that I'm hungover and sleep deprived.
Margee said…
The roster pictures definitely make them all look like they have a serious case of the wonk-eye. Sykora and Torres fit in pretty well, too. It's the hair, probably.

I'm kind of devastated by the very idea that Raffi is taken.
Anonymous said…
I'm all like...wtf dude!?!?!

Seriously, though...that's a trip.

"We will mesmerize you with our depth...."
Black Dog said…
Any pics of Raffi with his new hairdo? apparently he has shaved his head completely in order to change his luck or become more aerodynamic or just because he is, well, seriously odd
Jordi said…
I wonder if MAB's girlfriend gets booed by the wives like the fans boo him. Probably.
Miss. Scarlett said…
Glad to hear someone out there loves MAB.

Those roster pictures make Tjarnqvist look like he has a crazy eye. Or maybe he just has a crazy eye.
Anonymous said…
Okay, but the important question is, is Hemsky's supposed girlfriend Czech or Canadian?

{I'm just glad he has a girlfriend...haha.)
the Prez said…
Tjarnqvist just has a crazy eye. And it's sexy.
You can add MAP to this list too, assuming that he's only slightly less of an Oiler than JFJ: hot tall blonde girl who's name I forget at the moment but starts with an "O".
Alana said…
Interesting. Thanks, FCLC.
Anonymous said…
You guys should do names and kids naes. That's be pretty neat--
Anonymous said…
Hemsky has a rumored girlfriend? Damn. I was hoping he was single so i could go all puck bunny and snatch him up.

And honestly, why is Brad Winchester single? I met him today and he is a very good looking guy. And something of a charmer.
Anonymous said…
Bergeron's gf is pregnant - he's going to be a daddy.
Someome told me they heard it on the team a week ago or so.
I hope the baby doesn't have his nose - LOL.
Anonymous said…
*TEAM 1260 - an Edm sports radio show - thought I should clarify that for yous that don't live in Edm.
Gisele said…
^lol.
Anonymous said…
Yikes! One word for you alli: MEOW!
Anonymous said…
Why do i get the distinct feeling that alli is in fact a scorned fan girl? OR GUY? Dear god...........
Anonymous said…
My wife went to the Detroit game on Saturday and got one of the programs. Thoresen's *girlfriend* is pregnant and expecting over the holidays. So, he's not married, if "You're In Oil Country" can be taken as authoritative (and I believe it can).
Anonymous said…
Lupul has a girlfriend.. saw them at west ed.
Anonymous said…
Thoreson is not married, it's his girlfriend. If you take the text in Norwegian from the link and translate it online, it comes up kind of garbled but it takes about his daughter and his "cohabit", which i am assuming means he isn't married. Just "cohabiting" :D
Anonymous said…
Brodziak cannot have a girlfriend........ its just not right. Hes too hot!!!!
Anonymous said…
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT BRODZIAK HAS A GIRLFRIEND....?
Anonymous said…
How do you girls know if Oilers have gf's or not? It sounds like you girls are stalking them or something?
Anonymous said…
Dwayne Roloson married to Melissa Geale...also from Simcoe.Blond.Yuck.(NO OFFENCE TO THOSE NORMAL NON-DWAYNE STEALING BLONDES!!!!!JUST MRS DWAYNE,AND THATS IT)Gawd,don't you just HATE her?
Anonymous said…
Brodziak is engaged.... I went to high school with him.. They have been together for almost 5 years now! Hard to believe because he isn't the "settling down type"

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