31 July 2006

P"oil" #1

30 July 2006

ix-nay on the ullet-may

Ryan Smyth, "heart and soul" of the Oilers, has bad hair. Call it what you like: hockey hair, a short-long, business in the front/party in the back, or roadkill with vaseline on it - in the end it's just a big ol' mullet. While certain 101-year-old ladies may find Smytty's coif attractive, I think it falls squarely in the "not hot" category and begs a makeover.

Ryan Smyth before:

Ryan Smyth de-mulleted:

Now, isn't that better? Sans unkempt ape drape, Smytty definitely qualifies as "hot oil."

Now, why don't we harness the magic of the Internet and take this makeover a few steps further? Next time Ryan Smyth gets sad that the local Safeway is out of his favourite flavour of Pop-Tarts, he should embrace that misery through a ridiculous new persona:

Enter Ryan Gaines. So sensitive, so intense, so...unmarketable.

If Raffi ever gets traded, someone will have to step up as the "bad boy" on the team. I nominate Ryan Smyth and his new spikey hairstyle:

Hardcore, no? No, I guess not. At least he'll have no problem picking up ladies at the Standard.

Finally, I think it's important to have a look at what would happen if Smytty continued to allow that mullet to grow, and then permed it for some reason:

Not so hot. That's okay - everything can be fixed with an up-do!

Hot Oil FAQ

1. Huh? Where am I?
Hello, and welcome to Oilers fangirldom. This is a blog devoted to the hottest team in the NHL: the Edmonton Oilers. Part satire, part unadulterated hockey love, Alana, Loxy, and the Prez add a female perspective to the ever-expanding Oilogosphere.

2. How did this thing get started?
After tiring of Alana's endless drunken ramblings about Dwayne Roloson, Covered in Oil's Chris suggested she find a new outlet in the form of a blog. Alana enlisted the help of fellow Oil-obsessed bloggers Loxy and the Prez, and here we are!

3. So who are you chicks?

Check out this interview that Chris did with us a while back.

4. Do you guys have favourite Oilers?
Yes we do -- Alana loves Roloson, Loxy digs Reasoner, and the Prez can't get enough Ulanov.

5. Does _________ have a wife/girlfriend?
You're looking for this post.

6. What's this "Hot-Off" I keep hearing about?
The Hot-Off is an annual month-long battle to determine who is the hottest Oiler based on our readers' votes. The 2006 champion was Ethan Moreau, and we sent him a certificate to commemorate the event. Check out the sidebar for our 2006 Hot-Off archives.

7. So, y'all are puck bunnies, right?
No, far from it. If you have to ask, you clearly don't "get it."
The point of this blog is to have fun, and most posts are written with tongue firmly in-cheek. So get that stick out of your ass, admit that Horcoff turns you on, and join us in our love for the game, the team, and the players both on the ice and off.