26 July 2007

Oh, gross.

Mike beat me to it because I have, you know, a job, but I thought it worth noting that Mike Comrie and Hillary Duff's relationship has been upgraded from "complete strangers" to "humping." What is one to do when two of her least favourite people in the world start mating? One sighs, and mutters, "ew."

24 July 2007

Historical Hot-Off: Coming Soon

To pass the rest of the long summer days, we've decided to have a Oilers Alumni Hot-Off before the Annual Hot-Off (comprised of current players and prospects).

So I need a list of the 32 more influential Oilers. I have thought of 28, but want you folks to vote for the remaining 4.

Glenn Anderson
Kelly Buchberger
Paul Coffey
Grant Fuhr
Wayne Gretzky
Charlie Huddy
Dave Hunter
Lee Fogolin
Curtis Joseph
Petr Klima
Jari Kurri
Georges Laraque
Ken Linseman
Kevin Lowe
Craig MacTavish
Todd Marchant
Kevin McClelland
Mark Messier
Andy Moog
Bill Ranford
Tommy Salo
Dave Semenko
Craig Simpson
Jason Smith
Steve Smith
Ryan Smyth
Esa Tikkanen
Doug Weight

Vote now in the comments for your favourite Ex-Oilers!

20 July 2007

Tastes Great, Mom!

Awwww! It's a baby advertising whore taking his first steps. I actually think Gretzky's acting ability has decreased since this was shot, if that's possible. This ad really is a riddle wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in in the corpse of the world's loudest, craziest, most nonsense-spewing hobo: Why would they have sugary soda for players to drink on the bench? Did that guy just shoot a bottle of 7-Up at Michel Larocque? Why did everyone on the Jets have terrible hair? Who's that creep staring at the camera over Gretzky's shoulder? Did anyone get fired over this ad? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Well...nothing's happening. I think K.Lo is on vacation or something, so a crappy ad with dubious ties to the Oil is the best I can do, folks. Looking UP!

12 July 2007

Fresh Meat!

Sheldon Souray is probably an Oiler! This former Mr. Baywatch has a hard shot and collects powerplay goals like my hair collects split-ends. That is to say, a lot. Clearly, we'll never see Souray on Craig Simpson's PP.

I think it's safe to say the addition of this sexy blueliner increases the Oilers' team hotness substantially. Nice move, Lowe!

09 July 2007

The answer, friends, is: David Duval

We've been getting a lot of hits today from the Google query: What pro golfer answers to the nickname "Double D"? Well, now you know. In other news: Oilers still sad.

07 July 2007

Tell mom I say hi.

Is this farewell to Toby too obscure?

05 July 2007

Hey! Where did Hejda go?

That's right kids.. While it was overshadowed by the apparent collapse of the Oilers management (see any blog in the Oilogosphere), Jan Hejda was not signed by the Oil.

Hot, talented, and one of the only players who gave a damn in the last half of the season.. and now he's a Columbus Blue Jacket.

Smooth move Howson.

02 July 2007

Oh. I remember you.

And not very fondly, I might add. But yes, Dick Tarnstrom is back for another go 'round with the Oil. I recall that he was very prone to sickness. Don't confuse him with the Swedish defenceman we had this season (you can tell them apart by the fact that Tjarnqvist is at least attractive, even with his googly eyes), who was prone to injuries of the pubic nature.

Look who else the Oilers signed to a one year deal. Yes, it's none other than Ulanov's former teammate, Denis Grebeshkov! Grebeshkov is a handsome (read: Russian) D-man, and he posted 17 points in 47 games with the Russian Superleague's Yaroslavl Lokomotiv last season. Get a better look at him here (hope you can read Russian). With his departure, let's hope that the Lokomotiv decide to re-sign ol' Ulanov.

01 July 2007

Oh Captain Where Art Thou?

Remember back in the day when we had two guys with the same (pronounced) last name? If you weren't an Oilers fan, you probably knew that one of them was the captain, but were probably wrong as to which one.

Captain Canada left at the trade deadline and now the Oilers' Captain is off to Philly. (Word on the street is that Smyth is returning to our conference - Colorado bound, gag.)

So, who steps in to fill the void?

Dare I say it? 2006's Hot-Oil Hot-Off winner? Ethan "Hot-Oil Hot-Off winner" Moreau?

Oh, by the way, Ol' Blue Eyes is gone. I'm terrified he will stop being consistently useless to the 4-goal-a-game wonder we thought we were getting.