28 May 2007

Unrestricted Free Hotness: San Jose Sharks

It's hard for anyone to look hot in a bright aqua clown costume, but let's see how the Sharks' UFAs fare, shall we? A healthy California tan might be just the thing to make the pasty Oilers like whoa.

On the Blueline:

Scott Hannan
I'm sure Mr. Hannan is a nice fellow, but he looks like a rural Alberta date rapist. Greasy long hair and sketchy teenage 7-11 clerk chin pubes do not a dreamboat make -- remember Todd Harvey? Just say no to sweaty creeps, K.Lo.

Craig Rivet

Craig Rivet may be the most boring man in the NHL. His bland good looks put me to sleep, and his on-ice performance could not be more average. He looks like every WHL player that I went to high school with, if they had been able to grow middle-aged frat boy goatees. It wasn't hot in the mid-90's, and it's certainly not hot now.

Trying to Score:

Mark Smith
Edmonton-born Mark Smith has a bit of a Jeremy Piven look going on, which is pretty hot to a PCU fan such as myself (GO TO SLEEP!). I also dig his creative hairstyles and scrappy playing style. Plus, he's a rockstar, so if K.Lo were to bring Smith home, the ice would be littered with panties every night. Who can say no to THAT?

Billy Guerin
One-time Hot Oiler Guerin is back on the auction block after bouncing around the league for the past 7 years or so. His inability to commit isn't very hot, but if Guerin were to return to Edmonton I bet he'd give Moreau a run for his money in the Hot-Off. Come on, K.Lo -- he gave us Ales Hemsky. Why not give ol' Billy a second chance in return?


Lady_Byng said...

Mark Smith; yes, yes yes, yesssss.
Hockey players are hawt, rockstars are hawt; combine the two and you have some great hottness named Mark Smith. <3

Anonymous said...

Slim pickin's here. So I take it all the hotness on the Sharks has been locked up, eh? Someone over there has their priorities straight.

Bethany said...

Smith and Guerin...wow...beautiful...just beautiful

G said...

50 Cent in an Oilers hat:


hot or not?

Alana said...

So totally NOT. I doubt that 50 cent has ever watched an Oilers game in his life, let alone an NHL game. I hate that mumbling fuck.

Anonymous said...

Guerin is SUCH an asshole...

Anonymous said...

Meh to all of them.

Anonymous said...

These fellas don't stir a single nerve ending for me.
And sorry Alana, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you for the first time. Guerin is nothing next to Moreau :). Please see "4 Minutes of Sexy" on YouTube.


Jordi said...

Mmmmmm Smitty.

Anonymous said...

Scott Hannah would be a great pick up for the team hes a solis 3rd d man